This seems to be a very common theme among my friends lately.  I have two female friends who are not all to happy in their marriages.  It isn’t so much that life isn’t fun or it isn’t what it used to be – it is the way their husbands act or should I say don’t act.

I left my husband back in August of 2006.  The relationship was a poisonous one.  We didn’t get along.  We fought on a regular basis.  He was verbally abusive to both me and my oldest son.  He was emotionally manipulating to me and my oldest son.  He was on the occasion physically abusive to me.  It took a lot for me to walk out that door.

Yes I have disability income that helped but it isn’t enough.  I gave up a comfortable life.  I didn’t have to worry about household bills being paid.  I was taken out to movies and nice dinners out.  Even though on the outside life was great on the inside it wasn’t so great.

One of my friends – as soon as her husband walks in the door he is abrasive.  He yells at her and the kids.  If he wants to do something or wants to buy something and he doesn’t get his way – he makes her life hell.  She has put up with a lot from him.  Things if I would have found out the ex did I would never have stayed.  For whatever reason though – she has.

One of my friends has a husband who does not really participate in their lives.  He plays on the computer or just watches TV.  She asks for help and it does not happen.  Not only that but he yells at the kids as well.  He uses whatever excuses he can to blame his wife for what goes on.

Children learn what they live!  Isn’t there a poem somewhere that talks about that?  Yes there is and I found it:

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

Other variations include:

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns to justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

By: Dorothy Nolte

So when I decided to leave my marriage – it was because I could not longer justify staying and teaching my children how not to have a marriage.  I could not stand thinking of the future of my children and seeing them in a marriage like mine!

Children learn what they live. Anyone can find reasons to stay in a unhealthy relationship.  I still have them and I still make excuses for why I stay in them.

So I am just as bad but right now I can say – I am in a healthy relationship that my children see daily and I hope and pray  they learn from that!