I have been watching my youngest boy change at a rapid rate.  He no longer thinks for himself.  He no longer is himself.  At least he is no longer the boy I raised and knew and loved so very much.  It isn’t that I don’t love him; I just don’t love who he is becoming.

He is now more like S’s children.  The way he talks, the way he act, the disrespect he shows.

He no longer has a relationship with my parents and it is really sad.

He isn’t my boy anymore to be honest.

He is acting just like T with so many things.  He no longer has his own thoughts!  It is maddening!  I actually said to him at one point, “I can’t wait until you have your own thoughts and feelings”.  He just looked at me like I was nuts.

He no longer seems to have any of me in him…

I still physically have my boy but mental and emotionally he isn’t mine anymore.

He hates me and he is still mad at me – he tells me this all the time.

It feels like he will never forgive me.

Recently we were driving and I was planning on Subway for dinner.  He threw a fit, “Quizno’s is better for you.  Their food is fresh and the toast it properly” – those are not his words – they are T’s.  How do I know this?  Well because that is how he felt prior to me leaving; we had not gone to Subway in almost 2 years because of those comments above.  Or things like, “I won’t eat at Burger King because it is low quality junk food.”  I have to agree it isn’t the best food out there and eating their daily is not an option but a once in a while trip to fast food joints don’t kill you!

Or the most recent one, “I only want to attend Rockford one more year Mom”.  Oh come on – please – do you really think I was born yesterday?!  Those are the same words T used in the therapists office; “I just want him to attend one more year.”

It is like going through the grieving process prior to someone dying because you know it is coming – you start all over when they actually die then.

It has been a sad few days as I see it more and more.