Last night the anxiety about the trial crept into me. I laid there in bed and started getting that tight chest feeling.

I decided why not talk to Ralph. It does not hurt and most of the time it helps when I talk to Him. So you know I admitted that I am getting anxious about the upcoming trial. I have no idea what to say or how I will say it. It took me forever to type out the answers and to come up with the answers for my lawyer. How in the world am I going to put that into short answers?! Plus what is the ex’s lawyer going to be like? Will he be a dick and do a lot of goading?

Then I started to think about how we even got to this point. Is it my fault we are here? Of course in the ex’s mind it is because I didn’t just give him what he wanted. Then I started to think about the fact that I am the one who always seemed to bend over backwards. The only thing he ever gave up was one weekend a month and that was not without getting something in return. Each time we went to something (mediation, parenting coordination, custody evaluation [well until the end of that one]) I gave in and gave up time with my middle monkey.

So as I look this all over I have done my part in giving him what he wants but when he finally got it – it was never what he wanted. We could have been done after mediation. We could have been done in September 2007.

I am amazed that our courts allow all of this stuff to go on! Most states even if their are disputes are required to be done by the 12 month period. I just happen to live in one of the few states who don’t believe in that. Luck me.

I cried as I admitted to Ralph I have anxiety over this. All that kept coming into my mind was “be anxious about nothing but with prayer and petition while being thankful bring your requests to God” I know that isn’t word for word but it is Philippians 4:6. So then I started to say things like, “Ralph please be with me on Thursday, give me the correct words to say.” Then I got goofy and said, “Or if you are feeling so inclined please take my voice away.” Of course that isn’t what will happen because I need to talk.

I felt better and not so anxious when I was done but you know I don’t think I have ever come out and said I am feeling this way or that. I know He knows how I feel and often I think why tell Him – He already knows! But the thing I have learned recently is no matter how much He knows you or knows what you are feeling He is there – He wants you to talk to Him – He can’t wait to hear how your day went – He listens as if He was not there with you through it all – He is the ear that listens, the shoulder when you need to cry and the arms that wrap around you when you need comfort.

He wants that relationship with you. Ralph can’t wait for you to come sit next to Him. He can’t wait for you to come talk it out!